Thursday, November 13, 2014

Relationships are crazy!


My relationship with the Portuguese Ninja is going very slow. It feels like its going somewhere, but it is just taking forever. It’s probably a good thing.
 

All I hear from some girls is all about there boyfriends and how amazing hot and awesome they are. Blah! It makes me feel awkward, like my relationship with my guy is not real or something.

 
For example:

 
I’ll call them Sally and Sophia…I work with them at the theatre. They are much younger then me. Perhaps it’s a generational thing?

 
Sally: I just had 7 days of sex…

Me: I had seven somewhat dates?

Me thinking: Way too much information…thanks for reminding me for my lack of sex life. Urgh!

Sophia: Maybe in your head it’s a date but it’s probably just hanging out.

Me: I figured.

Me thinking: blah shut up!

 

Sally: Mine has the most beautiful man butt and abs. I can count them. He is so awesome…and cute. He is literally the perfect guy.

Sophia: Mines really awesome too…and hot.

Me thinking: Good for you!

Me: Mine, well not really mine…he is just a little bit taller then me, cuddly and umm has pretty eyes?

 

Sally: We went on awesome dates and had such a good connection.

Me: He let me put his arm next to his.

Sally and Sophia: awkward silence….

 

Sally: Mine kept buying me stuff…I had to tell him to stop.

Me: Mine won’t buy me anything, and he won’t let me buy him anything either, (although he did buy me a bagel and coffee on our very first coffee.)

Sophia: Well that’s good.

Me: he is super nice and respectful guy though.

Sophia: Well that’s important.

Me thinking: And obviously looks too according to you two.

 

Sally: Mine has hardly any hair. He is like the least hairless guy I have ever met.

Sophia: Mine too. His legs have hardly any hair. It’s so unfair.

Sally: I know right.

Sophia: We girls have to worry about hair and here there are guys that have no problems at all.

Me: Mine is hairy…but I don’t mind.

Me thinking: Isn’t hair natural on human bodies both women and men?

Sally and Sophia: awkward silence….

 

Sally: Want to see a picture of him. (shows us a picture or her amazingly awesome lover…)

Sophia: He is hot!

Me: he is cute….

Me thinking: meh!

Me: want to see a picture of my guy friend? I kind of photo bombed him. He is eating grapes.

Sally: I already saw him.

Me:  such and such though he was cute.

Sophia: Hmmm... (in an approving like manner, she shrugs.)

Me: My guy is Portuguese

Sally: Portuguese people are crazy.

Me: OK…well there was this old Portuguese lady at the farmers market who insisted I wanted to buy flowers.

Sally: See they always a bit cray cray! They are the East Indians of Europe!

Me thinking: That’s racist!

Me: He doesn’t seem crazy.

Me thinking: Fuck you!

 So what have I learnt from this…I’m not superficial. I already use the pronouns my and mine to denote ownership when I really have no idea if in fact he is mine. Well he is my friend. That I do own.
P.S. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.

No comments:

Post a Comment