Pancakes vs. Popcorn

Dearest readers or more than likely my friends since they read this,

I am inclined to write about this because it is kind of hilarious, but not really. But I am writing it so perhaps it will be? I just want to get it out of my system perhaps?

 You see the proper term for my current condition is Limerence. It is the involuntary state of mind resulting from romantic attraction. Not sure if its on the extreme end mind you.

 So I’ve actually managed to score a second date with the Portuguese Ninja! (I feel like I could call him Pancake Guy too.) Again I was too nervous so I handed him a note. This time it was an acrostic poem about pancakes using his name. However, as he probably does not want his identity revealed or in actual fact because he is a pretty respectful guy and I respect him, well I won’t reveal his awesome sauce name. Despite his name being pretty cool. I digress he actually said yes. How did I manage to get another date with a cute guy I like? Why is the universe suddenly being so nice to me!? I knew it was a sign when I saw a case of pancake mix in the backroom. :P

The events that led up to pancake date.

 During lunch break, we are discussing random stuff. I actually had the nerve to sit and talk with him, which is a big deal for me. If I like a guy that way I am over come with anxiety.

 Lunch is almost over when I say:

 Me: I like pancakes!

Portuguese Ninja: Ummmm

Me thinking: Oh fudge…finish sentence I would like to go for pancakes with you? Garhrekwjlkjfsdljflsdkfjs!

Me: Well you know I wish I had them and ummm you know with my pizza and soup…

Portuguese Ninja: Ok…

Another person in the lunch room: Well that’s a lot of food!

Me: Well uh… I … uh like pancakes.

 So yes at this point I feel like banging my head against the wall. I feel like a chicken because I can’t ask and RAWR! So I decide to go with the note route again. Yeah sue me…except this time I added a specific venue and time. So when last coffee break came around.

Me: (gathers resolve and somewhat glad the anxiety is not as bad as last time) There was a reason I mentioned pancakes earlier. (Hands him the note)

Portuguese Ninja: (Reads note.) Yeah we can definitely do that.

Me: I am painfully shy hence the note..

Portuguese Ninja: (silence, nods slightly, almost ignoring my I’m shy comment.) I like pancakes too.

Me: Awesome… I am just like Stewie Griffin when it comes to pancakes

Portuguese Ninja: (slightly perplexed look) Stewie Griffin? Oh it’s the syrup he is addicted too.

Me: Right of course the syrup, that’s what I meant.

Me thinking: I stole a friends comment…shifty eyes yeah sue me! I honestly had no clue it was the syrup.

Portuguese Ninja:  (smiles…)

Me: I picked either of those days because I thought it would be easier for you?

Portuguese Ninja: (sort of finishes the sentence)my days off.

Me thinking: Yay! Really? How did I get another date with this cool guy?

 My friends at work all know about this. I really wish it hadn’t been made public, but they all know I am shy or anxious about the situation. In fact I was even asked if I even talked to him on the previous coffee date. Ha di ha di ha! Yes I talked to him and it was easier to talk to him outside of work.

So I am thinking there is probably a down side too this saga, not the potential pancake date. You see I hurt someone unintentionally. The thing I learnt is if you throw your feelings out way too soon, it is kind of like throwing yourself under a bus. Trust me I’ve learnt the hard way. I am not sure which is more uncomfortable having feelings thrown at you or being run over. I’ve been run over a lot, but now I feel like I have somehow been pulled slightly out of the way of the bus coming for me, not completely. I still worry I am pushing too hard.  However I let Popcorn guy get run over and I was on the uncomfortable side of perhaps pushing him. I know what he is going through, but I know trying to explain that to him might make things worse.

Popcorn Guy practically tackles me with his feelings which are way overwhelming. Something about asking a girl to kiss him on coffee date, demanding a proper dinner date, the constant text messages ranging from an inappropriate picture, to I dream about you, or why don’t you like me, how could you ask for my number if you weren’t serious (note: he gave me his number not me) range from feeling bad for hurting his feelings to downright frustration. From this I learnt patience and to protect your feelings.

I am struggling to hold them all in when it comes to the Portuguese Ninja, but it’s hard because I’m super sensitive and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have no armour to protect me. All the periods of self elation to self doubt is frigging exhausting. I want someone special even if it’s a friend. However, I appreciate the Portuguese Ninja is taking his time to show me what he is thinking, despite the frustration of not really knowing. Perhaps we will be friends, or maybe more, who knows at this point. The mystery of unravelling a potential love story is way more exciting. I am learning from this experience, which in a way is a gain.

Its also nice to know I have friends who are cheering me on and giving me advice, even if they are far away. I feel more connected to them because of this.

And as of late….the letter “P” seemed to be cropping up again. I even have new words to add like pain (the emotional kind), pizza, pears, plums, peaches, pasta sauce, persistent anxiety, purple sweater (I got a new one.) and panic.  

 
P.S. The only thing that will irritate me is if I have to do all the asking! Also I successfully got my learners back yay!